I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
