this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
