Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
