I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
