the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
