No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
