You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
