Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
