I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
