I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
