which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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