you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
