Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
