Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
