Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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