idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
