Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
