new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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