we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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