Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
