I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I came so hard my ears popped.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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