As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
