If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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