what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
