Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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