Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
