Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
