Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
