I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
