So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
