Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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