Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
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I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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