Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great