Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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