dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Text me some of your sweat
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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