Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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