Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
