His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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