I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
