1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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