one two three fourrrrnication!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
