We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
