I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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