i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
