i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's even glitter on my cock...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
