I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
