i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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