Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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