If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
