Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
