Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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