Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My dick has a subreddit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He shit in the fireplace
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
