So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
