Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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