CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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