You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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