imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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