Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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