Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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