he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
