now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He felt like a one man threesome
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
