were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
