Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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